Ocho

In class this week, we talked about counselling with your family and the importance of family counsels. I think it is so wise to have a regular family counsel because it helps bring the family together to figure out/work on things together. I can think of no better way to have everyone say what they need help with or what they are working on, etc. than in a family counsel.

It is important in family counsel (and in all counsels) that everybody get an equal opportunity to talk and voice their opinions. Lots of times, husbands and fathers think that because they are the "head of the house" that they are the one who makes all of the decisions, but that is so not true. If everybody involved has the same chance to talk about their thoughts, ideas, and feelings families can be brought closer together and issues in families can be resolved. That is what I love about family counsels. I think that life is too short to spend time holding grudges and being angry over petty things, so a great place to resolve those issues, where all people involved will have their feelings protected and where everyone will be safe is in a family counsel.

I remember only once or twice having family counsel growing up and I wish my parents would have done it more with us. I want to have a regular family counsel with my wife and family. My wife and I don't regularly have an official "family counsel", but we do talk about plans, schedules, thoughts, feelings, and problems. I think that I will talk to her about making them more official and having them more regularly so that it becomes a habit, and then when we have kids, it will just be something that we do.

Siete

This week in class we talked about crisis' that occur in families. Every person will at some point in their lives go through a crisis (whether it be your dog running away, a tornado, or your mom passing away). Something that really stuck out to me when talking about crises is that people often see a crisis as a "problem", but if you have a strong family unit, with clear boundaries and strong relationship, almost every crisis can turn into a positive event that can bring the family together. 

Earlier this year, my brother-in-law who was serving a mission was hit by a car. He had very serious head trauma, and for the first few days we didn't know if he was going to live. He has since returned home and is doing quite well. He is still going through rehab, but he is going to make a full recovery and is going to return to the mission field as soon as he can (he REALLY wants to get back out there, if it were up to him he would already be back out). This event had the potential to be devastating to my family, especially my father-in-law who felt helpless and was taking it very hard. But because of the strong family structure, the relationships that my family has with each other, and the gospel, this crisis which occurred was able to bring the family closer together. I will always remember the first day when my brother-in-law came home and we all sat together in the living room pondering about what we had all gone through the past 5 months and then praying together as a family. That was a very special and sacred moment for all of us.

Crises don't have to have negative results. Families can get through crises together.

Seis

This week in class we talked about intimacy in marriage. I think it is important that a husband and wife openly discuss intimacy. It is a very important part in marriage, and it can and should be something that is shared between husband and wife.

Before my wife and I were married, she was given a book called, "And They Were Not Ashamed". It is by an LDS author, and it is about intimacy in marriage. It talks about what to expect and how to make intimacy something enjoyable for both husband and wife. It uses scriptures and quotes from Prophets and Apostles and, it is just an amazing book. It was really helpful for both of us to read it together and to talk about intimacy and what to expect. We started reading it about 3 or so weeks before we got married, and every few days we would read a chapter and talk about it. Reading this book really helped me and my wife understand intimacy better and it helped us know kind of what to expect. I think that because we read that book, we are able to be open with each other and are better able to enjoy special, sacred intimate time together. If you are engaged and about to get married, I strongly suggest reading this book.

Cinco

I can't remember if I said why exactly I am doing this blog (and right now I am too lazy to go see if I already did or not), so if not then you will know why, and if so, you will get to hear it again. I am in a class called Family Relations, and we are required to have a blog where once a week we blog about something that we learned in class or that we thought was interesting/insightful/etc. In this class we talk about, you guessed it, family relations and how families can influence each other and effect each other. 

This week we were talking about transitions in marriage. Something that stuck out to me and that I have been thinking a lot about is that most people spend more time preparing and planning their wedding than they do planning and working towards their marriage. I think that it is so important to prepare, plan, and work for your marriage. Marriage isn't this magical thing that automatically works out after you have a wedding and say "I do", it is something that takes work, time, and effort. Without working at your marriage and strengthening your relationship with your spouse, your marriage will not be as strong as it could be, and there is a very good chance that your marriage will end (and we as Latter-Day Saints believe and know that marriage can (and should) last for eternity and not just until "death do you part").

Quatro

In class this week, we have been talking about dating, love, marriage, and all that jazz. At the beginning of the week I thought, "well, I'm already married, so I don't really need to pay attention in class or do any of the readings." Wrong-O! As I listened in class and did some of the readings, I have been able to better appreciate what my wife and I have and I have found things that I can do better to strengthen our relationship (because it's not like you say "I do" and then you're set for life, marriage is something that you have to work at).

Something that I thought was interesting when talking about love was the 4 different kinds of love: Storge, Philia, Eros, and Agape. I had never heard of these kinds of live, but I knew they existed (if that makes any sense). I think it is important in a relationship (especially with your significant other) that all 4 of these types of love exist and I think that if you don't have and work at these 4 types of love with your spouse, your marriage will not live up to its potential.

Tres

Hey everyone. So something that I have been thinking a lot about is culture. We have talked about cultures in class for the last few classes and also how gender can effect family culture. Something that I have been thinking about is how my family culture differs/will differ from my older sister's family culture. We were both raised in the same family and were taught and raised the same (obviously there were small differences, but for the most part we were raised the same), we also have both been married for a little over 2 years.  Growing up, my sister was the girly girl of the family. She never liked getting dirty or doing things outside, she didn't like playing any sports, and always wanted to look nice/pretty. I loved (and still love) sports. I played basketball, football, and baseball in junior high and high school. I wasn't really in to guns or motorbikes, but I did like hanging out with my guy friend and camping or watching action movies. I would consider myself a sport guy. Our spouses are very different from each other. My wife is a girly girl who loves fashion, shopping, making crafts, looking good, and making things look good. My brother in law is a manly man. He loves riding his dirt bike, snowmobiling, paint balling, doing any extreme sports, and pretty much anything outside. Since we have been married, I have become a little less of a "manly man" and become more sensitive (I still love sports and action movies, but I don't do those kinds of things as much because I know that my wife doesn't enjoy them). Instead of going to watch a basketball game or going to throw a frisbee around, we will go to a play or a classical music concert. Or instead of going on a hike, we will go walk around the mall. My sister on the other hand has become a little bit more likely to go for a ride on the quads or go for a hike (things that she never would have done before she was married). It is interesting for me to see these changes in myself and my sister and to wonder what our family culture will be like when we have kids, and how our children will interact with each other. Neither of us are pregnant, so I will have to wait to see how these interactions will happen, but I am curious and excited to find out.

Dos

Hey everyone. Okay so something that we talked about in class this week that I have been thinking a lot about is boundaries. A boundary is like a fence that we put up around ourselves or around our relationship with others. There are three main types of boundaries: a rigid boundary (which is like a brick wall or fence), a clear boundary (which is like a picket fence), and an open boundary (which is like fence posts in the ground, with no actual fence up). It is important for us to have boundaries in every relationship that we have. The type of relationship (the closeness we have with the person or the amount of information that we share with the person) will determine what kind of boundary we have in our relationship. I have been thinking about my relationships and the boundaries that I have in them, and I challenge you all to do the same. It has been an interesting experience for me to evaluate my relationships and see areas where I can be more open with someone, and also areas that I might need to close the relationship up a little bit. I hope your findings are as interesting to you as mine are to me.