Once

This week, we discussed and read about divorce and remarriage. I have always thought that divorce would be very difficult to handle, but I hadn't really considered how hard remarriage would be. We talked about blending families and how many things are involved when blending families. I think that in order to "successfully" blend families, everybody involved must desire for that family to stick together and everybody must constantly work together. We have seen and heard from sad experience that divorced and blended families usually struggle with knowing their boundaries and with their roles (and not only families that are divorced or blended, but even "normal" families struggle with this). That is why it is so important to understand family systems, and boundaries and roles within your family system.

Diez

Well, we talked about parenting this week and we had to watch these videos about being an active parent. I'm not going to lie...the videos were a bit cheesy, but they had a lot of really good, helpful information in them. Something from the video that I really liked and thought was important is active discipline. Sometimes I wonder how I will discipline my children. I don't like contention and so sometimes I worry how well I will be able to confront my children and discipline them. The video talked about how when you actively discipline your child, you should be firm and calm. Be firm in what you are saying (don't "give in" or "let your child break the tiles that you have set") and also say it in a calm way. As I thought about this, I feel more confident in my abilities to discipline (not that I hope that my children do bad things or break the rules so that I can discipline them, but I feel more confident that when the time comes, I will be prepared).

Nueve

This week in class we talked about how fathers impact family. In today's world, it seems like the role of "father" has almost disappeared. We are seeing more and more that fathers are not actually being fathers. As sad as it is, it is as thought fathers are non-existent or not important. We know that fathers are very important and having a father in the home is an indicator of success in the family. I really enjoyed reading about fathers this week because it helped me realize how great my dad is and it has truly inspired me and to be a good father and to stand up and be an example of what a father should be.

Ocho

In class this week, we talked about counselling with your family and the importance of family counsels. I think it is so wise to have a regular family counsel because it helps bring the family together to figure out/work on things together. I can think of no better way to have everyone say what they need help with or what they are working on, etc. than in a family counsel.

It is important in family counsel (and in all counsels) that everybody get an equal opportunity to talk and voice their opinions. Lots of times, husbands and fathers think that because they are the "head of the house" that they are the one who makes all of the decisions, but that is so not true. If everybody involved has the same chance to talk about their thoughts, ideas, and feelings families can be brought closer together and issues in families can be resolved. That is what I love about family counsels. I think that life is too short to spend time holding grudges and being angry over petty things, so a great place to resolve those issues, where all people involved will have their feelings protected and where everyone will be safe is in a family counsel.

I remember only once or twice having family counsel growing up and I wish my parents would have done it more with us. I want to have a regular family counsel with my wife and family. My wife and I don't regularly have an official "family counsel", but we do talk about plans, schedules, thoughts, feelings, and problems. I think that I will talk to her about making them more official and having them more regularly so that it becomes a habit, and then when we have kids, it will just be something that we do.

Siete

This week in class we talked about crisis' that occur in families. Every person will at some point in their lives go through a crisis (whether it be your dog running away, a tornado, or your mom passing away). Something that really stuck out to me when talking about crises is that people often see a crisis as a "problem", but if you have a strong family unit, with clear boundaries and strong relationship, almost every crisis can turn into a positive event that can bring the family together. 

Earlier this year, my brother-in-law who was serving a mission was hit by a car. He had very serious head trauma, and for the first few days we didn't know if he was going to live. He has since returned home and is doing quite well. He is still going through rehab, but he is going to make a full recovery and is going to return to the mission field as soon as he can (he REALLY wants to get back out there, if it were up to him he would already be back out). This event had the potential to be devastating to my family, especially my father-in-law who felt helpless and was taking it very hard. But because of the strong family structure, the relationships that my family has with each other, and the gospel, this crisis which occurred was able to bring the family closer together. I will always remember the first day when my brother-in-law came home and we all sat together in the living room pondering about what we had all gone through the past 5 months and then praying together as a family. That was a very special and sacred moment for all of us.

Crises don't have to have negative results. Families can get through crises together.

Seis

This week in class we talked about intimacy in marriage. I think it is important that a husband and wife openly discuss intimacy. It is a very important part in marriage, and it can and should be something that is shared between husband and wife.

Before my wife and I were married, she was given a book called, "And They Were Not Ashamed". It is by an LDS author, and it is about intimacy in marriage. It talks about what to expect and how to make intimacy something enjoyable for both husband and wife. It uses scriptures and quotes from Prophets and Apostles and, it is just an amazing book. It was really helpful for both of us to read it together and to talk about intimacy and what to expect. We started reading it about 3 or so weeks before we got married, and every few days we would read a chapter and talk about it. Reading this book really helped me and my wife understand intimacy better and it helped us know kind of what to expect. I think that because we read that book, we are able to be open with each other and are better able to enjoy special, sacred intimate time together. If you are engaged and about to get married, I strongly suggest reading this book.

Cinco

I can't remember if I said why exactly I am doing this blog (and right now I am too lazy to go see if I already did or not), so if not then you will know why, and if so, you will get to hear it again. I am in a class called Family Relations, and we are required to have a blog where once a week we blog about something that we learned in class or that we thought was interesting/insightful/etc. In this class we talk about, you guessed it, family relations and how families can influence each other and effect each other. 

This week we were talking about transitions in marriage. Something that stuck out to me and that I have been thinking a lot about is that most people spend more time preparing and planning their wedding than they do planning and working towards their marriage. I think that it is so important to prepare, plan, and work for your marriage. Marriage isn't this magical thing that automatically works out after you have a wedding and say "I do", it is something that takes work, time, and effort. Without working at your marriage and strengthening your relationship with your spouse, your marriage will not be as strong as it could be, and there is a very good chance that your marriage will end (and we as Latter-Day Saints believe and know that marriage can (and should) last for eternity and not just until "death do you part").